curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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