Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
