If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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