If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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