he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
