yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
