i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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