Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
