so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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