The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
