His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
