yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
