I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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