i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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