dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
