you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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