FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
