Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am one with the molecules
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
