i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we're making bets on your personal life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
