After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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