I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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