suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
