a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
