The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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