This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
