Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found the puke drawer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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