What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've blown a few things in my day
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
