I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Pooping to opera.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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