The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
