I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
