he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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