it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
