I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need to sanitize my soul.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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