You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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