thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was born a porn star she said
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
