can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You ruined the universe
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
