There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
