I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
