Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
