Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
