After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
