How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
