I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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