he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize