Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
