Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
