Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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