So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
