All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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