Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
