I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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