I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
