If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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