Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
