Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
