12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
