She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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