Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
