He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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