Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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