just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
