dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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