i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
