Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
