two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am naked and annoyed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
