I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
