I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
