I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
