I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
