omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
