Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
