I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
