Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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