Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
