Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i've created a new STD.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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